Some of you may or may not have noticed that for the last year I have been a little MIA from the online world. Although part of me feels like apologizing, part of me isn’t sorry at all.
The last 12 months has been tumultuous to say the least. I have had the highest of highs and lowest of lows. It has been the most challenging year personally that was forced me to reassess my goals, test my patience and who I thought I was compared to who I am. This might sound extreme but it is the honest truth. From losing loved ones, relationship breakdowns, work and life stresses, I have had to dig deep.
Although it has been tough, as I sit here and write this post I feel nothing but gratitude and a heart so full that it is about to explode. Why you may ask? Because, the last year has forced me to be open and truthful with myself.
I made a pact with myself, to focus on me and be selfish in the most unselfish way (yes, I think it’s possible). I am often told that I give a lot to those around me before I give to myself. Although this trait may never change it comes with a price though and something that I am only starting to now realize how to manage.
When I felt like my world was caving in I had two options, sink or fly. I chose to allow myself to embrace my emotions, acknowledge what I was feeling and understand that there was a reason for each mood. I felt like I had to tackle anything thrown my way with a new strength. I cried when I needed to cry, I screamed when I needed to, I laughed when I was doing okay. Even if getting out of bed was my achievement for the day, I celebrated it. Every day I had to actively choose to listen to what I needed and I walk taller knowing that I was making an effort for myself.
With a different attitude and attention to myself, I began to feel a change. Yes, emotions still get the better of me at times but aren’t we all trying to work out this thing called life?
I ticked things of my bucket list that I never focused on before (future posts to come) but most importantly, my health changed. Not only did my HbA1c come down but my relationship with diabetes and exercise improved which set me up for my backpacking adventure.
As dark as it may seem, living with diabetes gives you a different perspective on life. In tough moments you realize that every day is a choice. Routines become difficult. You have to choose to test your BGL’s, choose to inject, choose to treat that hypo. I have my life in my hands and it was up to me to do something about it.
One of the hardest things was to ask for help or talk about what was happening and this is still difficult in a certain way. Being truly honest and vulnerable has been daunting but to my surprise it instigated so many other thought provoking and touching conversations. Strength was gained from me imperfections and learnings. The more I was open about my emotions the more others opened up to me. We need to trust in others because you may be surprised in what may be hiding in their soul.
Life throws us all obstacles. Yes, ALL of us. Some share this and some don’t. What I’ve learnt and gained the past year is that everything is a choice. Choose to ask someone if they are okay. Choose to take deep breaths and focus on yourself. Choose to smile. Choose to love yourself and others deeply. Choose to celebrate your wins. Choose your own team because we all need one. And if you feel like no-one will be on your team….I always will in one way or another.