Last week was truly one of the hardest weeks that I have had in a very long time both on a physical and emotional level.
As I tried to explain to those around me, being stressed, run down and having a sore throat is something that I can deal with and overcome, although, the way that these circumstances affect your sugar levels is the challenging part.
You really don’t know what to expect or how your body will respond when you are unwell. I truly felt like I hit rock bottom last week and if it wasn’t for my loved ones around me and my educator, I would have struggled even more!
I am still trying to adjust to managing my diabetes with multiple daily injections (MDI’s) but add being sick on injections into the mix – I was really out of my comfort zone.
I had ridiculous highs followed dramatic low sugar levels.
Generally, I am very hypo aware, however last week I was not feeling my lows till I was about 1.8mmol/L (which for all those non-T1D’s, is extremely dangerous). Looking back and after lengthy discussions with my educator towards the end of the week, because I was so paranoid about my highs, I was taking too much insulin and not taking into account that I actually was run down and needed to simply rest. I was doing up to 10 finger pricks a day and becoming ridiculously anxious. I have never felt more vulnerable, out of control and emotionally weak
like I did throughout that week.
I had several meltdowns and was close to giving up countless times. I didn’t want to hear the word 'diabetes', 'finger pricks' or anything related!
After trying to hide away, hold everything in and be the brave one…. I caved. I had the ‘why me’ and the ‘I can’t do this anymore’ moments with many tears.
I was disappointed and frustrated with myself.
Eventually, with the support of my loved ones around me, I picked myself up, carried on and went to see my educator, Janelle. I made an appointment with her a few weeks back on this day because I wanted to go through a few other things and MDI management so it ended
up being perfect timing for all of the above reasons.
So, I sat down in her office, got comfortable and she asked ‘Tanya, how are things going?’ and the waterworks came again! Embarrassed and tired I just opened up to her about the week I was having. I was ashamed of my levels, I was ashamed of letting T1D get to me.
An hour and a half later she managed to re-assure me, comfort me and put everything into perspective. I had worked myself up throughout the week and I had burnt my confidence in doing so. She highlighted that I needed to go back to basics and be kinder to myself.
So, I wanted to use this post as a reminder for everyone to be kind to yourselves.
Accept the things that cannot always be changed and find support in those around. Sometimes we feel like we walk alone but the re-assurance and love that I received from my family, Peter and Janelle is something I am extremely grateful for.